A lovely Listography this week.  One that I think will throw up almost as many common themes as the websites from last week.

Working the ICT helpdesk I have a range of special phrases that are guaranteed to make me want to pick up the nearest keyboard and try to beat my high score on “how many keys can I embed into your skull with one good swing?”.  I suffer from (if suffer is the right word) Scrubs-esque fantasy sequences.   “Why no, officer.  I have no idea how that printer cartridge came to be lodged there but it does look painful…”  Those little escapes keep me sane in a world of…

1, While you’re here…

We have a helpdesk system. It lets us track things like how many problems we’ve had with certain pieces of equipment, software, etc. Not people. No, we don’t use it to keep score at all.  If people don’t use the helpdesk (which is, at heart, a very simple little form to fill in) then we have no record of the job done unless we manually add it in.  So every single Columbo-esque “While you’re here”, “Just one more thing,” or “Just the person!” adds to my paperwork.  And I hate paperwork.

2, Do you have…

Today’s was “Do you have a laminator?” No.  No, I don’t have a laminator, this is the IT office.  Or, “Yes, I’ve got a laminator. It’s on the shelf over there next to the toasted sandwich maker and underneath the record player.”  People ask us for the stupidest of things!

3, How do I do this in <insert weird piece of software here>?

I could kill people when they ask questions like this.  I have no idea how this obscure piece of statistical analysis software works. Yes, I installed it on your computer but that is as far as my involvement in the bloody thing goes.  You know who does know?  Google. The manufacturers. Someone else.  If you’ve not taken the trouble to Google for your question I will sit at your desk and do just that right in front of you. It’s empowering you to go away and do the same thing next time.

4, Can I have…

Not so much a works problem (though since we took away everyone’s admin rights they’ve had to ask us for every single piece of software they want installing, every new device. It’s fun!).  No, this one is the kids.  You’ve just finished dinner, cleared away the leftovers, about to sit down with Twitter and a cup of tea and one of them will pop their head round the kitchen door. “Can I have something to eat?”  “Well, you just turned down seconds of dinner, so no.”  “What about a piece of fruit? It’s healthy.” Or, having caved in and put a movie on for the Saturday afternoon, “Can I have some popcorn…”  Some days are just a long stream of Can I haves.  Even worse are the ones were one kid will get another to ask for them because they know that if they ask, I’ll say no.  And the ultimate problem ones are those when they’ve already asked Mum and she’s said no. That’s not an acceptable answer, so they ask me (or they’ve asked me and then ask Mum).  Woe betide them when we find out.  And it’s usually delivered in such a whiny voice!

5, But that’s boring.

I’m getting this one more and more.  Kids, let’s watch Star Trek! Kids, let’s watch <just about any movie/TV show I enjoyed when I was their age>. Apparently my tastes and theirs no longer coincide.  Same goes for music as they start listening to more and more radio in their rooms.  At least we can still watch Dr Who together.

Now I’m off to read through some other entries and try and use their phrases for the rest of the week, see how many people I can wind up. Maybe we should do some sort of “Phrases I hate” Bingo?