Listography – 5 Reasons I know I’m a father of 5

Now this could be a very, very simple list.  5 reasons, 5 kids, 5 names.  Actually 10 names, as they’ve all got cool and froody middle names.

I was going to be a geek, but Emily beat me to it.  Number 1 reason being that I know what the title of her post actually does.  But although I’m a geek, I’m also a father of 5.  I know this because…

  1. I can change a nappy without actually waking up.  And not just the disposables but I can do this with the terrycloth nappies including washing, soaking, disposing of the liner and making sure the pin will go through once it’s washed.  For anyone wanting to know the secret, it’s a metric ton of fabric softener per wash and tumble-drying.  You line dry a terrycloth nappy, you’re looking at a vaguely flexible iron sheet that no pin on earth will penetrate – not when there’s a thumb nearby to go through instead.
  2. I know the nappy pin will go through my thumb because there’s no way on God’s green earth I’ll let it go through the baby.  Not even if I’m asleep.  As an aside, I still find pairs of jeans that have 1 or more nappy pins clipped to the belt loops.  This is not because I was at any stage a punk.
  3. Vomit does not scare me. Nor do sick kids.  I do the nursing while my wife (the doctor) does the doctor’s role of diagnosing, prescribing then buggering off to the next patient.
  4. I do routine.  If you’re watching Being Human at the moment, Hal’s little routines to keep him off the blood are as nothing to the household routines here.  If dinner is not done and on the table by 1745 then there’ll be hell to pay.  Bedtimes start at 1900 at the latest – fighting to get that last scrap of the evening for some quality time with my wife.
  5. I have had that conversation with my doctor.  If there are any further kids, I shall be having stern words with my surgeon.  And then my wife.

So those are my reasons for being what I am.  Head on over to the listography and find more reasons for people being who and what they are. Nothing if not entertaining!

6 Replies to “Listography – 5 Reasons I know I’m a father of 5”

  1. Hats off to you sir, and fellow geek. We’ve got two and I find that quite exhausting. I used to think, pre children of my own, that more was easier because they look after each other. What a twit.

  2. I did not know that. You see how much you’re gone up in everyone’s estimations? And as for the cloth nappies – doesn’t the vat of fabric softener cancel out the ‘green-ness’? (And is that a really annoying question?)

    1. That, the constant use of washing machines and tumble driers… But overall, they’re still not ending up in landfill. I think I come out on top.

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